Sunday, July 24, 2016

Of Being Single...

My dream for my entire growing up life was to get married, have about 3 or 4 kids and adopt 3 or 4 kids and live happily ever after with a "normal" life. I didn't want any more crazy adventures in the jungle learning how to trust God for everything, nor did I want any more near death experiences with Malaria or other tropical diseases. Granted, I did still want to live in Brazil for the rest of my life, I just wanted it to be a normal life (whatever that was supposed to mean!)

I wanted a nice little house and a husband who had a job and worked hard to provide for me and the kids (cause you know I wanted to have a bunch of them), maybe a little farm with horses and some animals to be able to teach all those kids good work ethics and all the good things that come from homesteading and farm life. I wanted him to come home every evening and spend time with us and be a spiritual leader in the house. I wanted to have enough money to pay all the bills each month without panicking and worrying about how we were going to make it. I wanted to cook delicious meals and raise Godly kids.

In my early twenties plenty of nice young men came through my life that may have been what I thought I wanted or needed, but none were brave enough to have "THE TALK" with my dad and request my hand in marriage (or even in courtship for that matter). Finally I gave up on the dream and came to a place in my heart where I could look at myself as a future old me and see myself unmarried and okay with it. I embraced the idea of being an "old maid". Reluctantly, I will admit, but I was okay with it.  Then HE showed up in my life.

He was a young man (younger than me) who managed to sweet talk his way into my heart and the hearts of the rest of my family. He was not afraid to talk to my dad, or the crazy requests and requirements that we put on him in order to prove himself worthy of marrying me. We got married in Brazil  in a beautiful outdoor wedding in the coconut grove on our family farm. It was beautiful and blissful. Honeymoon was in the most amazing treehouse resort in the heart of the Amazon that I don't even know how we found out about but it was incredibly beautiful.

Fast forward a couple years and all the sweet talk and fun loving adventure came jolting to a halt. The marriage crumbled no matter how hard I tried to hang on to it and make it work. I went into the deepest, darkest time of my life. During that time my son was born, but shortly after I once again found myself single. This time divorced, in debt, with a kid to raise by myself, ashamed that I who once believed that marriage was supposed to last forever and I couldn't keep mine together.  The sadness and depression almost overwhelmed me. But somehow, the Grace and Love of God reached me and pulled me back up out of the mire of despair.

Once again, I have come (maybe still am coming) to the point of contentment in being single. I have found a deeper relationship with God than ever before. Through the sorrow and loss, I had to trust God or sink pretty much, and He showed me (and still shows me) his faithful provision and love and protection so much greater than any earthly husband could ever show me. It has been an incredible journey of learning to walk by faith and remember that He is my Husband and Father God who will never leave me or forsake me.

My prayer for you who might read this story, is that if you find yourself in the pit of depression or your life is crumbling around you, or you don't know what to do... God knows and sees you and CARES about you and Loves you more than you could ever even imagine. He wants to help you but it's up to you to put your trust in Him and reach your hand up to Him so He can pull you up into life in abundance!